PERIOD-ACILLY SPEAKING

If there is one thing good about being born a man is that, we're not subjected to a monthly menstruation cycle. Well at least not personally anyway. However, contrary to popular belief, and much of womankind, men also go through a monthly syndrome or hormonal imbalance. After all, why shouldn’t we? So what if we were born without a uterus, this is after all the age of equal rights and its only fair that we too get a 'get out of jail card' every month with the only difference being we don't bleed in the process. Thankfully.

It may seem like hogwash that men too suffer from PMS but scientists, most likely post-cold war Russians, have discovered that men too every now and then suffer from sensitivity, depression, cravings (for beer most of the time) and overall bitchy behaviour. Rubbish, you might say but just ask any woman if she's discovered this odd behaviour pattern from her significant other half and you would probably get a resounding yes. But is this matter something that's been conjured up by Oprah? Better yet, an alpha male somewhere who has discovered a loophole in exploiting womankind’s five-day pass for having a bad attitude.

The cycle is called IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) and MMS (Monthly Male Syndrome) and it affects men everywhere and not just the ones who are heavy into mobile messaging. Although women and men may argue that IMS or MMS is something that's created to gain more media coverage, sell more books or a range of Amway Health supplements, its common knowledge that men too sometimes wake up in the morning and discover all is not well in the world.

Call it what you want, but I am betting every one of you out there, even the straight ones, have at one time or another have experiences an unwanted bout of short term depression or anger that bears no explanation or even cure. Scientists claim the cause of IMS or MMS is due to lower testosterone levels. But then again, no one is entirely convinced since the study was based upon the observation of deer, reindeer, sheep and elephants during mating season.

Animals and lower testosterone aside though, there is at least some truth to this thing called IMS. There must be, even if it’s just to act as a security blanket for men who cannot seem to find an answer to why they're suddenly depressed when it’s not even the end of the English Premiership Season or why they’re weeping uncontrollably at the end of Brokeback Mountain.

Excuse or not, and I am sympathizing with women here, it is a frightening prospect to be subjected to a multitude of negative emotions. And it’s downright unhealthy too as most of the time IMS risks encroaching into one's life, resulting in total anarchy and disruption of life, career and relationships. It's almost like going through a menstruation cycle without a tampon in sight. Only for men, it’s much much worse.

Because of our Neanderthal type thinking and occasional inability to deal with sensitive issues, men often take the head on approach in dealing with IMS. Call it what you want, but most of us tend to deal with problems by (a) totally ignoring it (b) retreating into a shell (c) escaping on a 'I-need-to-be-alone-to-sort-myself-out' trip or (d) drinking corpus amounts of liquor during happy hour (although this is vaguely subjective).

For those who find themselves in the cross-hairs of a male inflicted with IMS, it would be best to (a) leave him the well alone, (b) buy a few rounds during happy hour or (c) get him to have sex with a supermodel (this is not vaguely subjective). Fortunately, though, there is an answer to cure IMS and fortunately, for men it’s not in a pill or having to stick a tampon up your bum. The answer is, and I'm going to side with the scientists and their lab rats here, is exercise.

Its common knowledge that exercise causes a rise in testosterone levels and if the scientists are spot on it means that getting your ass to the gym, the park or the pitch will most likely cause IMS to go away. This of course bears no basis because I have yet to witness overly depressed sheep, deer or elephants mixing up it up in a five-a-side but it’s certainly food for thought. After all exercise is good for one's health, self-esteem, and it even helps with depression. Ever seen a 100m Women's Olympic Gold Medalist go to a saloon and shave her hair completely bald for no reason? Didn't think so.

Therefore, the next time you're depressed for no reason, take a step back to examine what's the cause of it all. If you’ve discovered that, you have nothing really to be down in the dumps about and your football team still has a shot in the Champions League or you're not really missing Michael Schumacher all that much then you can probably lay the finger on IMS or MMS. If you're still not convinced then no harm done, but think about this, if you've got the case of the blues and if IMS doesn’t exist, and there aren't any scientists or their four legged lab animals around to offer an explanation then what could be the cause of it? Now that’s a depressing thought.